test

test

Younger than the Turtle

Ian, age 4, stayed all night with us Monday night. As I read a Bible story about Jesus, Ian said, “Jesus did a lot of cool things.” Amen. Yes, He did.

On the way to school Tuesday, Ian, Caleb, and I discussed the big turtle at Bass Pro Shops. When I mentioned it was 75 years, Caleb blurted out, “That’s older than you are, Grandpa.” He immediately knew he had inserted foot in mouth, but the damage was already done. We both howled. Ian was a bit too young to catch the subtle nuance.

Nathan and Rebekah have planted a little garden for Ian and Lilly Ruth to work in. I asked Ian to tell me about it. He immediately said, “It has poop in it.” What!!?? Mom quickly explained it’s cow manure.

We had a huge family get-together Monday night at our house. Lilly Ruth was not being nice. Her mother said, “Where did that sweet little girl I used to have go?” Ian then prayed at the blessing, “Jesus, please bring my sister back.” How do you keep from exploding with laughter in the middle of a prayer like that?

Easter Legend

Yesterday made five Sundays in a row of rain. Maybe there’s something to that old legend about rain on Easter causes rain seven Sundays in a row. Two more to go. We’ll see.

On the Oxford MS trip, I pulled out some of my old sermon material on Lincoln. I enjoyed editing it. I have three or four more sermons I could preach on Lincoln. My original preaching plan was upended by the fact little hoopla was made about the bicentennial of Lincoln’s birth. I thought the USA would be abuzz about it, and a series of sermons would be appropriate. So much for my knowledge. I still want to finish the series. Maybe Memorial Day or Fourth of July would work.

Four-year-old Ian begins t-ball practice this week at High Street Baptist Church. Tickets will be harder to come by than for the World Series. Pictures will be taken by the hundreds. Baseball greatness will be redefined. Without steroids.

Humor helps. Children’s definitions. First book of the Bible: Guinness. Animals entered the ark in pears. Unleavened bread: bread with no ingredients. Where Moses received the ten commandments: Mount Cyanide. The seventh commandment: thou shalt not admit adultery.

Fair Grove Graduation

Happy Mothers Day. This is always a holiday easy for me to celebrate. My mom blesses me every direction I turn. I’ve already called her. Make sure you do the same for your mom.

Ruth, Caleb, and I spent the last two days traveling to and from Oxford MS, 736 miles roundtrip. We attended my cousin Josh Hill’s graduation from Law School at Ole Miss. I told him I expect to never pay a lawyer’s fee again as long as I live.

Josh reports for duty August 10, and will go to Camp Pemberton, Quantico, and Rhode Island his first year as a Marine Corp lawyer. He has to learn all the ins and outs of military law. Before this, he has to pass the MS state bar exam the last week of July. Pray he will do well.

Our trip to MS was delayed for two hours by the terrible storm we had here Friday morning. Fair Grove school was severely damaged in the storm, leaving them without a place to hold their graduation ceremony next Sunday afternoon. We at Second are gladly dismissing our services next Sunday night, May 17, to let the good folks of Fair Grove enjoy their graduation here. They expect about 2000 to attend. I think they will have a good experience here at Second.

Salsa on Waffles

Had tacos for breakfast again. I was so excited about eating them that I had trouble concentrating on my prayer and Bible time. I tried to convince John and Caleb to put salsa on their waffles. Neither consented. Where did I go wrong? I thought I raised them better than that. An adventurous spirit is a wonderful thing.

I speak tonight at the MSU BSU for the third and final time this semester. I believe some of the students there will become career missionaries. Pray for our time together tonight. I want to be a catalyst for missions everywhere I go, especially with college students.

Jake and Millie have returned to the back deck. I assumed it was because Ruth didn’t have the heart to keep the gate closed. I was wrong. She told me this morning the reason they were on the deck is because Caleb and Sam have trouble remembering to close the gate behind them. It will be interesting to see how Ruth handles this mini-drama. New door. Scratching dogs. Forgetful grandchildren. I’ll keep you posted.

My cousin Josh Hill graduates from Ole Miss’ Law School this Saturday in Oxford MS. I’m proud of him. He will do the United States Marine Corp proud.

Weathering

Ate tacos for breakfast. Cured sinus trouble I had last week. The food was left over from a Cinco de Mayo party several single adults had at church last night. I do love Mexican food, and Italian, and Greek, and Chinese,. . . .You get the point.

I’m figuring out Ozark weather patterns. Someone told me we are experiencing Blackberry Winter. Wow. Confusing. We have Indian Summer in the middle of Winter, Blackberry Winter in the middle of Spring, between the two the ground hog comes out to predict whether or not it will rain on Easter, thereby determining our weather for the next seven Sundays. I got lost in there somewhere.

Yesterday was grandchildren day. Sam was up and alert at 5:30 a.m. I took Caleb to school, and then did the same for Ian, who recently prayed, “I remind you of the cross that you died on, and that’s sadly. And don’t do that again, okay, God?” I asked him what characters were in the Disney on Ice show he went to. He replied, “All the ones in the commercial were there.” End of conversation. Babysat Lilly Ruth. She put some sunglasses on. Looked like a movie star, except prettier.

Hosea Bilyeu and I will be teaching Pastors at his church at noon. Pray God will bless our time.

Number 10 Tomorrow Night

I have preached eight times this week. Number nine will happen tonight. Am I exhausted? Maybe. Am I exhilarated? Absolutely. I’m speaking on missions tomorrow night at FBC Nixa and can hardly wait to preach my fire bucket sermon.

“Rain on Easter means rain the next seven Sundays.” I had never heard this old saying before, but one of our church members called it to my attention this morning and then added, “It rained on Easter, and has rained all four Sundays since.” Three more to go. We’ll see.

All this rain makes me think of two things. One, the 1000 trees we helped plant at the home for disabled adults. At this rate of rainfall, at least 999 of them will survive. Two, our Victory Garden. There’s no hint of drought on the three and a half acres of food we have planted for the poor.

Humor helps. PUNishment. She made whiskey, but he loved her still. A dog gave birth to puppies and was cited for littering (sorry Jake and Millie). Two silk worms had a race; they ended up in a tie. Two hats were on a hatrack; one said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

Razing Perdition

I spoke yesterday for the Greene County Pastors Conference, one of my favorite events of the year. Having been here 13 years, I’m beginning to feel like I know my fellow Pastors real well. Yesterday we were as relaxed as could be.

I did well on my message, but Hosea Bilyeu stole the show with his sermon “Razing Hell.” Yep, that’s Hosea. He said we have become too humdrum in our Christian walk, and need to get more power in order to devastate forces of evil. He wore a special t-shirt he had made just for the occasion. It had “Razing Hell” blazoned across the front of it. I wish I’d’ve thought of that.

It’s May Day. Did you ever circle the May Pole? If so, you might be showing your age. I remember the chant we silently repeated over and over again to make sure we didn’t make a misstep, “One and two and one, two, three, with a one and two, and one, two, three.” You younger ones, google May Pole to be enlightened.

I will preach six times in the next three days. Today I am speaking for the state Gideons International meeting here in Springfield. I love the Gideons. I preached for them last year, and they invited me back. Did I mention I love the Gideons?

Pollen Explosion

Ruth is still sick. I read that the late cold weather this Spring, followed suddenly by warm weather, caused a pollen explosion. All types of plants and trees unloaded their pollen at the same time. This would help explain my problem, and maybe part of Ruth’s troubles too. Please keep praying. Thanks.

Greatness is hard to hide, especially when it’s encased in the person of Johnny Hunt. He is, hands down, the number one missions pastor in the Southern Baptist Convention. He and his choir did a wonderful job last night.

I have seven sermons to preach in the next five days. I feel I have four of the seven under control and prepared. Pray about the other three, please. Thanks.

Humor helps. The Massachusetts Highway Department is having to replace road signs because it has misspelled the name of a lake which has 45 letters in it. Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg. The state wrongly put “o” at letter 20 instead of “u” and put “h” at letter 36 where “n” ought to go. I’m glad they’re fixing this. We taxpayers deserve precise spellings. Last time I drove in Massachusetts this misspelling on the signs kept driving me nuts.

Keep Praying for Ruth

Ruth is still sick, despite being on her third day of antibiotics. Please keep praying. Thanks.

This is a historic week for Second. Tonight Johnny Hunt, President of the Southern Baptist Convention, preaches here. Thursday morning, Bruce McCoy, President of the Missouri Baptist Convention, preaches here for a Pastors Conference. Sunday morning, the First Vice-President of the Missouri Baptist Convention preaches here. That’s me. Sorry about the letdown. I couldn’t resist.

Welcome aboard, Kevin Hawkins. We have a new Minister of Music. The secret ballot vote was 450 to 5. I don’t think the outcome was ever in doubt. I’m looking forward to many good years Kevin and his delightful family.

The Cardinals are in first place. Let’s enjoy it while it lasts.

Humor helps. Walt Disney had originally suggested using the name Mortimer Mouse. Fortunately, smarter heads prevailed and Mickey Mouse was born. By walking an extra 20 minutes daily, you can burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year (to help make room for the twenty you are probably in danger of adding).

Extended Family

My cousin’s wedding was precious. About 53 members of my family attended. I saw people I hadn’t seen in 15 years, and was introduced to children I had never met. I grew up surrounded by extended family. I regret my adult years put distance between them and me. I miss them.

We are considering buying the empty lot across the street west of our church. I have for years eyed that piece of property. Maybe the Lord has favored us with it. If deacons okay it at their meeting May 3, we will vote as a church on May 6.

Ruth has bronchitis. She went to Urgent Care this afternoon. The doctor sent her home with a prescription. Pray for her. When she is sick, my whole world is sad.

Interesting weather tidbits. Based on temperature variation, precipitation, and sever weather, the USA city with least weather variety is San Francisco. The city with most weather variety is Springfield MO. I was in both cities last week. Springfield ranked number five on the top 10 tornado prone cities. Kansas City is the worst city for allergies; St. Louis ranked seventh on this list. I’m surprised Springfield didn’t make the worst allergy list. It’s been giving me fits this year. I need a hard freeze.

Lightsaber

Grandson Caleb had his solo cello recital last night. He wasn’t worried at all. I was a nervous wreck. All my fears were in vain. Way to go, Caleb.

I’m curious. How do these music students memorize all those notes, plus remember the order in which the songs are going to be played? That’s almost as impressive as the music itself.

I found a new feature to use on my cell phone. I downloaded a program which lets it flash and at the same time play the Star Wars theme. It turns a cell phone into a miniature lightsaber. I thought Grandson Ian was going to throw his shoulder out of socket playing with it last night. Rebekah told me the first thing Ian mentioned this morning was Grandpa’s lightsaber. Life is good.

The youngest of my cousins is marrying tomorrow in St. Louis. I’m the fifth oldest grandchild. She’s number 36. Congratulations on your big day, Jenefer.

Yesterday I resigned from the Missouri Baptist Convention Peace Committee. Our last two Executive Board meetings have been peaceful and wonderful. I think the election of Dr. David Tolliver as our Executive Director is bringing us peace.

Tony Bennett

Tony Bennett is no longer the only one who left his heart in San Francisco. A group of five from our church returned late last night from an exploratory trip to the city to begin plans for starting a church there with Ben Pilgreen. I fell in love with the foggy city.

I did not sense immoral oppression as fiercely as I thought I would. The city was clean, air was clear, weather was perfect. People were open, friendly, conversant. I found the Christians there to be right on target on how to best reach the city. We met with President Iorg of Golden Gate Seminary, plus church planting leaders from the California Baptist Convention and the San Francisco Baptist Association.

I have from the first fully realized how big a task it will be to start a church in San Francisco. For one thing, costs are extreme. For example, the parking charge at our hotel was $49 per night. There are other barriers, also, but I believe God has raised up Second for such an hour as this. We can do this. Therefore we must. Pray. More info later.

Cal and Cindi

Cal Thomas hit a grand slam last night at the Pregnancy Care Center banquet. He is a forceful, sane communicator. Few people have a better grasp of the cultural war we are in. Cindi Boston, PCC Director, received a much deserved standing ovation. She is one of the main players in the Christian community in Springfield.

Our people helped plant 1000 trees yesterday morning on the property where the home for adults with disabilities will be built. Since they finished the chore, soft rain has been falling off and on for 24 hours. I wonder if God alters the course of the weather to shine His smile on incidents like this. I’ll ask Him someday.

After preaching two intense sermons this morning, I am exhausted, but extremely fulfilled. I can tell you pray for me. I thank you from the deepest recesses of my heart. Ask the Lord to keep me faithful and true in the pulpit till my work is done.

Humor helps. American ingenuity. A zookeeper wanted some animals for his zoo, but did not know how to spell the plural of mongoose. He started out with, “I need two mongeese.” It didn’t look right, so he tried, “I need two mongooses.” That didn’t seem right either. He finally wrote, “I need a mongoose, and if you have another one, send it too.”

Sinus Alert

My sinuses are telling me we need Summer to arrive soon. Maybe a hard freeze would help, or a pouring rain. Whatever will help, I need relief. This has possibly been the most difficult Spring I’ve had with allergies since moving to Springfield thirteen years ago. Yuk.

I’m ready to preach about Jesus in the morning. What kind of Jesus do you want? This will be the question of the hour. The many views about Christ in our culture were mirrored by sects Jesus encountered in His day. In the spiritual realm, there is nothing new under the sun. Pray the message will come through loud and clear.

My creative sermons team helped me pound on my Southern Baptist Convention annual sermon manuscript. It’s a better document due to them. Thanks, Team.

Humor helps. A Harvard Professor has developed inhalable chocolate, containing zero calories. The verdict isn’t in yet as to whether it’s real, a hoax, a sly artistic commentary, a vanity project, or simply the greatest food invention ever known to man. The dispenser looks like a blend of an asthma inhaler, a tube of lipstick, and a shotgun shell. If this is on the up and up, I have just made a new best friend.

Burger for Breakfast

I opened the refrigerator this morning to get milk for cereal. I saw a day-old 99 cent Wendy’s hamburger. Did you know a leftover hamburger, if microwaved for 30 seconds and consumed with a huge kosher dill pickle, tastes absolutely wonderful. Try it someday. I might start going through a drive-thru at night to pick up breakfast for the next morning.

The youth Fine Arts Recital here at church last night was wonderful. My grandson Caleb is one good cello player. And I’m not partial either.

My creative sermons team meets today over lunch. We will edit the manuscript I’m preparing for the Southern Baptist Convention annual sermon I’ll preach this June in Louisville KY. Pray for us.

Humor helps. I may buy Jake and Millie some toys to comfort them over their not being selected as the White House dog. For $4 I can buy Booda Squatters; these oblong stuffed squeak toys are the perfect size for tossing, chewing, and carrying. For $6 I could buy them Tennis Ball Tuggers, four long rope legs, one rope tail, worked through a tennis ball body. Fun for hours, the commercial says. Jake and Millie are a bit too lethargic to play with anything for one hour.

Where is Sasquatch?

A group of us is gathering at church this morning to do history work. We will sift through four boxes of materials to find what we can about the first 33 years of our church’s history, 1885-1918. This is to help me find material on which to write a book about this era in honor of anniversary 125 next March.

My son is having trouble with the word for a 125th anniversary, quasquicentennial. He calls it “Sasquatch in Tennessee” just to aggravate me. He’ll be singing a different tune once I write the book and win the Pulitzer for historical literature. Never set your goals too low. That’s my philosophy.

The interview with Kevin and Karol Hawkins last night was a hoot. You can tell they feel at home here at Second. Let’s get the vote behind us and get on with life. I’m pumped.

Humor helps. Jet pilot thoughts on helicopters. If a helicopter begins to stall, you have one second before the craft becomes unrecoverable; if this maneuver fails, the copter flies about as well as a twenty-case Coke machine. Even a perfectly executed takeoff gives you the copter a glide ratio barely better than that of a brick.

Tough Day

On this date Titanic sank, Lincoln died, the Duchess of Kingston was found guilty of bigamy, and taxes are due. I enjoy exercising the gift of encouragement.

I spent the last two days in Jefferson City with the Executive Board of the Missouri Baptist Convention. Our meetings were excellent. Love and respect marked every session. I am proud of our leaders. Dr. David Tolliver is doing a good job as our new Executive Director. Dr. Bruce McCoy is superb as our President. I’m more optimistic about the future of the MBC than I have been in a long time.

Tonight I will publicly interview Kevin and Karol Hawkins for our music position. Wow, they are popular. There’s a lot of energy coming out of the music department these days on their behalf.

Humor helps. The new symphony conductor seemed a bit out of place. The cymbalist, realizing the conductor did not know what he was doing, clashed his instruments together during a quiet song. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily at the orchestra, demanding, “Who did that?”

Comforting The Dogs

We broke the bad news to Jake and Millie as gently as we could. We told them they would not be moving to the White House. Another canine has been chosen as First Dog. It’s sad. I’m not sure how Sophie took the news. Amanda will have to comfort her. Congratulations, Bo. I had never heard of a Portuguese Water Dog. Google has some pretty pictures of them.

Almost 4000 of us were here yesterday morning. The music and sermons presented a clear, clarion message about Jesus being our crucified Savior and our Resurrected Lord. No one could have left saying they had not heard the Gospel.

Kevin Hawkins received standing ovations yesterday each time we announced we will be voting on him to become our Minister of Music. The vote on Kevin may be the most superfluous vote in our church’s history, but it has to be taken to make everything official. I am grateful for Kevin. We’re going to have a lot of good years together.

Humor helps. At age 57, I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place, I’m realizing aging is not for sissies, I can’t remember what else I meant to type here.

A White House Dog

John, Amanda, Caleb, and Sam are in Ohio visiting her family. They did not take her dog. Have I forgotten to mention Amanda has a dog? Sophie is a Jack Russell Terrier. I’ve not met Sophie yet, but I do know this breed is what I commonly refer to as nervous dogs. It will be interesting to see how calm and serene Jake and Millie take to nervous Sophie, and vice versa. I’ll keep you posted.

Speaking of dogs, even the President of the United States is struggling with canine decisions. He promised his daughters a puppy. Since one of them suffers from allergies, choices are few. Whatever variety the First Family chooses will become a top seller overnight. Dog lovers hope they pick a pure breed. Half-breeds are often genetically weak, due to the unscrupulous practices of puppy mill owners. I’m not a dog lover, but I do believe all animals should be treated well. The Bible says, “A righteous man cares about his animal’s health” (PR 12:10a). The Obamas may spend over a thousand dollars for a dog. Rest assured, Jake, Millie, and Sophie are not for sale, at any price. I think.

My daughter, who is a great writer, has been bitten by the blog bug. If you want to learn more about my precious family, and are interested in crafts, check it out at yeebird.blogspot.com. Way to go, Rebekah.

Dog Baths

My daughter-in-law-to-be is rapidly endearing herself to our family. She is even impressing Jake and Millie. She intends to take them to the dog park soon to let them romp and play. She’s even going to take them in her car. Wow. There is one little hiccup, though. Since she intends to use her car, Amanda asked yesterday how long it had been since the dogs had had a bath. That’s a tough question. I hated to tell my adopted daughter how I feel about giving dogs a bath. It was a tough moment, but I think I finagled my way out of it quite well. Those dogs are going to be the death of me yet.

It’s baseball season again. Hurray for the Cardinals. I’m hoping for better things this year, but am saddened by the fact they lost two of their first three games. Oh well. I’m a diehard fan, especially of Albert Pujols. I appreciate his straightforward Christian testimony. His exploits on the diamond don’t hurt anything, either.

It’s Holy Thursday. Today we commemorate the Last Supper, Jesus washing the disciples’ feet, His agony in Gethsemane, and His betrayal by Judas Iscariot. Our Savior loved Judas to the end. The first word he said to Judas after the betrayal kiss was, “Friend.” Jesus is a loving Lord worth serving.

Cookie Cheater

You would think a Grandpa could bend the rules a little with his 21-month-old granddaughter without getting caught. Oh no!! Not in your lifetime. When her mom said they were going to Bass Pro Shops, Lilly Ruth said, “Grandpa. Cookie.” Uh oh. Rebekah asked me point blank, “Do you get Lilly Ruth a cookie when you take her to Bass Pro?” I told the truth, and tried to put a good spin on my explanation. Yes, I buy a huge chocolate chip cookie when we first go in. I eat half of it and parcel out to her the other half as we make our way through the store. It’s my way of helping her stay happy. Her mother was okay with this explanation. Whew. She even said she might do the same thing. Hurray!!

It’s holy week. I always try to keep a light schedule the week before Easter. It is the most important day of the year for our churches, and I always want to be my best on Resurrection Sunday. Let’s pray for a mighty day at Second. Also pray for me as I focus my thoughts on the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.

I’m on target in my reading through the Bible in 2009. I began this second quarter of the year by reading the Gospel of Mark, which many scholars consider to be the memoirs of Simon Peter. I am now in I Peter, and will soon read 2 Peter and Jude, the other New Testament books heavily influenced by Peter.

Groveling on the Floor

The internet outage did not hurt me as bad as I thought it would. I crumpled to the floor in a fetal position only three times (just kidding). It was amazing to see how much of our work is done through cyberspace. We were at times twiddling our thumbs, looking for things to do. We cleaned out drawers that hadn’t been emptied in years. I almost made it through the whole stack of stuff on my desk.

The biggest downside to being incommunicado yesterday for me was, it threw me a day late on sermon preparation. I’m playing catch-up today. Pray for me.

My right eye has been hurting lately. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Pray it will not be a distraction to me today as I prepare the sermon.

Humor helps. What jet pilots think of helicopters. Anything that whirls its way into the sky flies according to unnatural principles. A helicopter flight is a bunch of spare parts flying in close formation. You never see old helicopters laying around an airport like you do old planes; there is a reason for this. Come to think of it, old helicopter pilots are rarely seen; not a good omen. Helicopter pilots are intense, ever ready in case a piece of something falls off.

Scalped Scalp

After two days of rest, I and my scalped scalp are back at work. Ruth took one look at my hair this morning and laughed out loud. She could barely contain her giggling as she re-combed it for me.

I am blogging at record speed this morning. In about 33 minutes our internet server is going down for repairs and updates. That means we will be incommunicado here at church for much of the day.

This power outage is not good for me. As you know, my name is John, and I am addicted to communicating. No internet, no blog, no email, no computer–I feel sweat popping out on my brow. My hands are clammy. My knees are weak. I can’t seem to stand on my own two feet. I’m all shook up. Sorry, Elvis.

Humor helps. Thoughts on being 57. If you’re only as old as you feel, how can I be alive at 150? They seem to be making adults much younger these days. I’m a walking storeroom of facts; I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom. I am still the life of the party; even if lasts till 8 p.m. I’ve become very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

Stylin'

I got a haircut on Saturday. I showed up at church yesterday with the shortest hair I’ve had in years, maybe ever. I thought you might like to read some unsolicited comments I received from our church people.

You look younger the other way. Who gave you that butch? It looked like a Mohawk from the side. Your summer haircut. You had an appointment with a barber. I didn’t recognize you. Looks good. Looks hip. Stylin’. You got every hair cut. Two cuts for one price. I thought you got drafted. Takes 10 years off your life. Makes you look older. No curling iron needed on that doo. You found a barber. The lawn mower got loose. What happened to you?

The most memorable remark came from my grandson Caleb (age 12). “Grandpa, you needed a haircut. I was getting tired of your puffed-up hair. Grandpa, do you know why television preachers like fluffy hair? Because it gives them a place to stick their money.” Ouch.

Don't Die Again

Last night Ian (age 3) and Lilly Ruth (age 1) shared a hot cross bun at supper. After Nathan and Rebekah explained the significance of the cross, Ian ended his blessing with these words, “I remind you of the cross that you died on, and that’s sadly. And don’t do that again, okay, God?” Speaking of Ian, he will turn 4 next week. Sam will turn 10 the same day.

This afternoon I plan to head over to Greenlawn East for Ruth Shook’s viewing. She was a member of Second for 65 years. She and Bill were wed in our World War I building in January 1948. While visiting at their house the other day, I saw their wedding picture. They were standing in front of our current Lord’s Supper table. It’s a historic photo in more ways than one.

Pray for Ben as he preaches all three services this morning. I and everyone else will be blessed. Enjoy a safe, restful Family Night at Home this evening.

Humor helps. Retiree answers. How many days in a week? 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday. When is bedtime? 3 hours after I fall asleep on the couch. Why is it okay to call you a senior citizen? 10% discount. What do you consider formal attire? Tied shoes. What do you call someone who refused to retire? NUTS!

The Amnesia Diet

Ruth and I slipped away for an overnighter to celebrate our anniversary. We went to a restaurant, ordered a nice meal, and ended up discovering a new weight loss idea. Trying to be careful, we put a lot of the meal in a to-go box. Back at the hotel, Ruth asked, “Where’s the leftover food?” “I thought you had it.” There you have it!! A new weight-loss idea. Fill a to-go box full and leave it at the restaurant.

I called Bob Roberts to say I was sorry this morning’s rain spoiled our church’s plans to work at our Victory Garden. Oh ye of little faith!! There were 18 hardy souls out there working in the mud and slush and you-know-what. Unbelievable.

I’m at church right now getting ready for tomorrow. I’ll be present, but Ben Pilgreen will preach all three services in the morning. I plan to take a few days off next week over Spring Break. I need the rest. Thanks for praying.

Humor helps. We mathematicians love math jokes. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi. A Won-ton is 2000 pounds of Chinese soup. The weight an evangelist carries with God: one billigram (think about it). 1000 aches and pains: one megahurtz. 365.25 days equals one unicycle.

Wed 38 Years

Ruth and I wed 38 years ago today. Our marriage truly is as good in private as it appears to be in public. We feel we were made for each other. I love her. I often tell her, “Ruth, I love you more today than I did yesterday, and yesterday was a record day.”

Yesterday afternoon Caleb started out the back door. I asked where he was going. “To bathe the dogs,” was his reply. Did he say to “bathe the dogs”? Do dogs get bathed? Doesn’t rainfall take care of that need? A few minutes later I saw Jake and Millie sunning themselves. They looked like shabby, mangy mutts that had accidentally stuck their paws in an electrical outlet. Oh well, at least we know that now they are clean Millie won’t return to her favorite resting spot in the dirt beneath the trampoline, and Jake won’t shed any more. Did I mention they have begun to shed hair again? Good grief.

Humor helps. Definitions. Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs. Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. Intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Unanswerable: if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Ben-Hur

I’ve been working on Ben-Hur this morning. Ben What!?! That’s right. Ben-Hur. As part of our Easter preaching emphasis, I’m going to focus on who Jesus is. To complement this theme, Second Act will present the stage version of General Lew Wallace’s famous novel, Ben-Hur, on Sunday night April 26. The story fictionally chronicles Wallace’s personal pilgrimage in his efforts to understand Jesus.

I try not to write about news items, but a Fox News article caught my eye. It listed the ten worst inventions of the past century. Three especially fascinated me.

One was the detachable dog sack. It would keep dog hairs out of my car by letting Jake and Millie ride outside it in a pouch attached with rubber-padded hooks to the open window of my vehicle. Wow. I wonder why that idea never went over well.

A second idea of idiocy was the cat wig. That’s right. A wig for felines. I saw a picture of a cat wearing one. It’s one of the ugliest sights I’ve ever seen.

Number three was my favorite. An anti-eating face mask, a metal cage that attaches to the face to keep those of us lacking self-control from eating solid food.

Quasquicentennial

All three grandsons were at the house overnight Monday. We slept well, but all of us woke up wired and alive before 7 a.m. Tuesday morning. We had already had a wild and crazy day before we ever left the house. What a hootenanny. (There’s a word no one uses any more. Try looking it up. Hint: Google is your best bet.)

I just arrived in the office after having my six-month stress echo running on the treadmill test. I did way better than does the average person my age, including both heart patients and non-heart patients. Hurray for me.

Quasquicentennial. I’ve not yet found anyone who has ever heard the term before. I love to pull stuff like this on people. I have done more research on the derivation of the term. Quasqui is Latin for one and a fourth. Thus, if it precedes centennial, it refers to the number 125. Mathematicians, wordsmiths, lexiconographers (Google it), and linguists love this type of info. Someone suggested we put the word on our church sign for people to ponder as they drive by.

Humor helps. A letter to the bank. Dear Sirs, one of my checks was returned marked “insufficient funds.” In view of current developments in the banking industry, does that refer to me or to you?

3:16

March 16, three sixteen, reminds me of my favorite Bible verse, John 3:16.

We baptized about 25 yesterday, including 20 at our children’s baptism service last night. The watering trough we use to baptize in this service sprang a leak last night. Fortunately, duct tape, towels, and a trash can saved the day. Methodists don’t have these kinds of troubles.

Quasquicentennial. That’s the word I’ve been looking for. This month Second turned 124 years old. Next March marks year 125. I knew there had to be an official name for this particular anniversary. I brought the subject up last night at Peking House. Within 60 seconds, Greg House had found it on our ever-present, albeit not always accurate, friend Wikipedia. He typed in the word “anniversary” and voila! there it was. Quasquicentennial is an impressive word, don’t you think? It sounds like squash, and reminds me of Sasquatch. I can’t find it in my Webster Dictionary, but I’m pressing ahead with faith in Wikipedia on this one.

I offered the dedicatory prayer at our Victory Garden Saturday. This was not the first time I had prayed over dirt, but it was the first time I had ever prayed over that black stuff they had covered the field with, if you know what I mean.